It was the spring of 2009. I had just bought a slough of cute new shoes from Payless.com (one of the places where you can sometimes find shoes for an amazon woman like me), including a new pair of Hot-Pink shoes. My very favorite pair had bit the big one, and if you know me, you know I can't possibly go on with out a cute pair of pink shoes in my closet. I had decided to take my new pink shoes their first run through at work. I sit all day, so breaking in a pair of shoes wasn't going to be as painful as it would if I had to run around all day.
The shoes were a success. Everyone wanted to know where I got them, or just stopped to comment. "Those are bright!" was my favorite comment of the day, coming from the boy in our class.
Now when I say everyone was interested... I mean EVERYONE. I had been taking the bus home, because Jason and I were sharing a car. So on this rainy Monday I was on my way to the bench to sit down and wait for the bus when I heard:
"Excuse me miss." I thought I'd dropped something out of my bag-- so I turned around.
"Yes?" I said to the cute gay man, who was just an inch taller than me.
"I have a weird question for you," he said.
"Okay," I said, "Go for it."
"I'm wondering if I could buy your shoes?" he asked. "You see, I'm in this drag show next month, and those would really match my outfit. Plus, they're cute as hell!"
This was it, I thought. I've been fighting drag queens my whole life to find shoes that aren't man-shoes or old lady-shoes. And now that I have, they're coming to me to buy them off of me.
I honestly didn't know what to say. I was so baffled by the question, and I didn't want to laugh it off, because he looked serious. And if I've learned anything from RuPaul's Drag Race-- it's that you don't mess with a diva and her shoes. So I took the honest approach.
"I wish I could, but these are the only shoes that I have." I said.
"Well, we can trade shoes, that way you don't have to walk home barefoot in the rain." He offered.
Ok, now this was getting uncomfortable. First of all, I didn't know this guy. So why would I want to wear his smelly sneakers, that he'd been sweating in all day. And second of all, I had just bought these shoes, so there's no way in hell that he was going to get them before I had the chance to break them in a little more.
It was then that my bus pulled up. I told the guy I had to get home, and if he really wanted a pair of these shoes, he should go online and buy them. It only takes a week, and then he wouldn't have to pay me $100 for them. I know I could have bought 5 more pairs of shoes for that, but you couldn't pay me enough to trade that guy shoes.
In the end, I guess the lesson is clear-- Gay or straight, RuPaul got one thing right-- you don't stand in the way of a diva and her shoes. And you definitely don't offer to trade-- YUCK!