Sunday, May 1, 2016

Starting Over, Yet Again

Welcome to May my lovelies!

It's been such a long time-- but I am ready to get back in it.  Before we dive right back into living healthy and finding alternative ways to destress, I must confess something to you.  I have not been good to myself.  The move to Sacramento 2 years ago was much harder than I would like to admit to anyone.  And having Jason gone in South Korea only added to my hardship.

When I got down here, I felt confident, healthy and happy.  And despite my therapist's suggestion that my first move down here, after finding a place to live, should be to find someone to continue working with on my depression-- I didn't.  And that only led me back down a very dark path.  I let my anti-depressant prescription run out, without getting a new one.  I became withdrawn again.  And I started binge-eating my feelings.  It wasn't good.

And after two years of wandering down a dark and emotional path-- I've decided to get back into it.  It helps that I now have a pretty ring on my finger to motivate me, but that's not the real reason I am choosing to get back into this.

I don't recognize myself when I walk past a mirror.  I don't feel good about myself when I get up in the morning.  And only a fraction of my wardrobe fits me anymore.  It's sad by true.  But, instead of wallowing over the fact that I allowed my emotions to get the better of me, once again-- I am deciding to pick myself up, dust myself off and get back on the path to a healthier, happier life.

Here goes nothing:

New Starting Weight: 378.8 pounds.  
Goal Weight in a Year: 278.8 pounds.
Ultimate Goal Weight: 200 pounds.   

Man, is that hard to look at.  I immediately go into criticism-mode, but I know that isn't helpful.  So I am trying to be more positive about my situation, and looking at it as an opportunity to reflect on what worked well for me last time, the areas I can improve on and the new things I can try this time around.  Life is all about learning from your mistakes, and taking responsibilities for your actions.

So here's what worked for me last time:

Pre-planning meals.  I am successful at portion control and making healthy choices if I put the work in the week before.  Planning not only dinner-- but breakfast, lunch and snacks for the week ahead keeps me from overeating during the week.

Keeping a food diary.  Logging what I am going to eat that day, my exercise and how much water I've had to drink keeps me honest.  Since I've planned my meals I tend to log everything I am going to eat during the day in the morning-- then when someone brings in a box of donuts, a bag of candy, or several cake samples to work, I already know what my "budget" is for extra food.  It sounds strict, and it is, but it helps me from over-eating.  I am a visual learner friends.

Here's what didn't work for me last time:

Jumping into a crazy workout schedule.  Some people can dive right in and never look back.  That's not me.  I need to work up to a crazy routine-- otherwise I end up hurting myself, get frustrated and wind up sliding back into old eating habits.

Blogging soley about fitness.  For many people, this keeps them honest-- having a group of readers to confess to.  Not me.  I feel guilty for not reaching certain goals and certain times, and then I stay away.  I will be writing about my fitness goals on this blog, but it won't be weekly.  Instead I'm going to scale back to monthly.

And, here's a new thing I'm going to try this time:

I broke down and bought a Fitbit.  Well, I didn't-- Jason did.  But it's been incredibly helpful so far,  I'm not big on participating in challenges, or earning badges-- but I do like seeing how many steps I've taking in a day.  I sit at a desk all day, so a visual reminder to get up and walk around the building is helpful.

So there it is.  I am excited to get back into a healthy lifestyle, and I am happy to be blogging again.  Keep checking back for more.

1 comment:

  1. It was great to see this! You get it girl! The newsroom life is a real struggle - sitting and stress and donuts, OH MY! But it is so important to make a commitment to yourself to create a life you are happy with. I'm excited to see your progress... and maybe join in the fun! Lord knows we all need a moment to reevaluate our lifestyle choices, right?! Any who, I've always sung the praises of The Yoga Seed Collective, they have lots of classes you can slowly dip your toe into. I've found yoga to help me feel not just good physically, but also help with my mental health and ability to cope with stress and self control. I'm happy for you and proud of you for making this leap! Much love and support to you!!


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