Starting Over, Yet Again

Welcome to May my lovelies!

It's been such a long time-- but I am ready to get back in it.  Before we dive right back into living healthy and finding alternative ways to destress, I must confess something to you.  I have not been good to myself.  The move to Sacramento 2 years ago was much harder than I would like to admit to anyone.  And having Jason gone in South Korea only added to my hardship.

When I got down here, I felt confident, healthy and happy.  And despite my therapist's suggestion that my first move down here, after finding a place to live, should be to find someone to continue working with on my depression-- I didn't.  And that only led me back down a very dark path.  I let my anti-depressant prescription run out, without getting a new one.  I became withdrawn again.  And I started binge-eating my feelings.  It wasn't good.

And after two years of wandering down a dark and emotional path-- I've decided to get back into it.  It helps that I now have a pretty ring on my finger to motivate me, but that's not the real reason I am choosing to get back into this.



I don't recognize myself when I walk past a mirror.  I don't feel good about myself when I get up in the morning.  And only a fraction of my wardrobe fits me anymore.  It's sad by true.  But, instead of wallowing over the fact that I allowed my emotions to get the better of me, once again-- I am deciding to pick myself up, dust myself off and get back on the path to a healthier, happier life.

Here goes nothing:

New Starting Weight: 378.8 pounds.  

Goal Weight in a Year: 278.8 pounds.

Ultimate Goal Weight: 200 pounds.   

Man, is that hard to look at.  I immediately go into criticism-mode, but I know that isn't helpful.  So I am trying to be more positive about my situation, and looking at it as an opportunity to reflect on what worked well for me last time, the areas I can improve on and the new things I can try this time around.  Life is all about learning from your mistakes, and taking responsibilities for your actions.

So here's what worked for me last time:

Pre-planning meals.  I am successful at portion control and making healthy choices if I put the work in the week before.  Planning not only dinner-- but breakfast, lunch and snacks for the week ahead keeps me from overeating during the week.

Keeping a food diary.  Logging what I am going to eat that day, my exercise and how much water I've had to drink keeps me honest.  Since I've planned my meals I tend to log everything I am going to eat during the day in the morning-- then when someone brings in a box of donuts, a bag of candy, or several cake samples to work, I already know what my "budget" is for extra food.  It sounds strict, and it is, but it helps me from over-eating.  I am a visual learner friends.

Here's what didn't work for me last time:

Jumping into a crazy workout schedule.  Some people can dive right in and never look back.  That's not me.  I need to work up to a crazy routine-- otherwise I end up hurting myself, get frustrated and wind up sliding back into old eating habits.

Blogging soley about fitness.  For many people, this keeps them honest-- having a group of readers to confess to.  Not me.  I feel guilty for not reaching certain goals and certain times, and then I stay away.  I will be writing about my fitness goals on this blog, but it won't be weekly.  Instead I'm going to scale back to monthly.

And, here's a new thing I'm going to try this time:

I broke down and bought a Fitbit.  Well, I didn't-- Jason did.  But it's been incredibly helpful so far,  I'm not big on participating in challenges, or earning badges-- but I do like seeing how many steps I've taking in a day.  I sit at a desk all day, so a visual reminder to get up and walk around the building is helpful.

So there it is.  I am excited to get back into a healthy lifestyle, and I am happy to be blogging again.  Keep checking back for more.