Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Just One More...

Happy Monday night, or probably early Tuesday morning for most of you!  I hope you had a wonderful weekend, and a great Easter holiday filled with good food and family.  We spent our Easter at Multnomah Falls, having brunch and hiking up to the bridge with my family.  It was a great day.

But, brunch Sunday morning isn't what I wanted to talk about today.  I want to talk about temptation... because it can be an evil, evil thing, much like the pictures below.

Above, you are looking at the cookie spread from work on Sunday night.  Yes, that's four types of cookies... AND a tupperware full of left over coconut frosting.  If I'm being completely honest with you, I allowed myself to have 6 cookies that night-- but I did not, I repeat DID NOT, eat the frosting... even though I really wanted to.

This pile of cookies brings me to my struggle with temptation-- especially when it comes to my incredibly overactive sweet tooth.  Before Jason and I really hunkered down and started "Operation: Sweatin' for Seoul," I could (and would) eat more than my fair share of sweets.  Cookies, cake, brownies, ice cream, frosting, candy, popsicles,  jam on toast, jam off the spoon-- it didn't really matter to me... all I knew is I NEEDED it now!

It got so bad, and I got so big that I became self conscious about my eating habits.  But that self-consciousness didn't keep me from eating those sweets.  Oh no, like a drug addict I couldn't wait until my next sugar high.  I was always looking for ways to put more sugar in my body.  But, because I  was paranoid that people were watching me-- I turned to hiding my habit.  I would buy two or three candy bars at work, and shove them in my pocket... then, I would find a dark corner to hide in and eat them ALL...

But that's not the worst of it.  I can still picture what I'm about to tell you in my head like it was yesterday....

Courtesy: Karma Chow
It was the day after a big potluck at work.  There was still a giant container of mini brownies left over in the break room. You know the kind you can buy at the grocery store?  The kind that when you bite into them, you can see the preservatives and sugar they use to make them.

I was strangely drawn to these brownies.  I walked in the break room and grabbed two, put them in my pocket and headed for my desk.  Within the next 20 minutes I gobbled them up.  They tasted so good, I knew I just had to have a few more.

From that moment on, I would walk down the hall to the break room, grab two brownies and eat them on the way back to my desk.  This happened every hour, like clockwork.... but after 6 hours of this new-found ritual, and more than a dozen brownies later-- my sweet tooth still wasn't satisfied.  I needed more.  All I could think about were those brownies and how good they tasted.

I'm not proud of what happened next...

I walked down the hall, mouth drooling just thinking of that delicious bite of brownie I was going to take in a mere matter of seconds.  But when I got to the container of brownies, I noticed something.

There were less than when I was in here before, I thought.  What the hell???  Someone else is eating MY brownies.

To save myself from further disappointment, I grabbed the rest of the brownies and stuffed them into my pocket.  All 12 of them!  As I walked toward my desk I stuffed two in my mouth at a time, chewing frantically and breathing heavily through my nose.

I realized I would never finish the 12 brownies before I got to my desk-- and I didn't want anyone to see me stuffing that many brownies in my mouth-- so in a state of panic, I ran to the women's bathroom, hid in the handicap stall and finished eating my sugary contraband.


It was about that time that I realized,  I have a problem.   A BIG problem.  

I mean, no sane person would get possessive over communal brownies, let alone stuff them in their pocket and hide out in the bathroom eating them as fast as they could, just so no one else could have them!  That's insane.  And yet there I was, a mostly rational person, doing just that!  I realized that I was going to have to work hard to kick this addiction to sugar I had.

Courtesy: Bostinno
Yes, I just called it an addiction.  Because, it is.  And for some people, the cravings for sugar make them do crazy things.  I believe I just proved that with my story above :)

Since that crazy night, I've cut out most sugar.  I've said no to most cookies and cakes put in front of me.  There have been days that I've let myself indulge... and maybe overindulge at points.  And afterward, I felt incredibly sick and turned off by what I ate.  It's a long, tough road.  And I'm no where near the end of it.  But with some hard work and determination, I know I can get there.

It took a lot for me to share that story with you today.  I sat here for two days trying to figure out how to write it.  It finally took me telling it out loud to some work friends, to realize that it was more funny than embarrassing.  I've gotten over my paranoia about what people think, and I know that I'm changing my life for the better.  But for those of you who are still struggling with your relationship to food-- be it sugar, fatty foods or whatever your vice may be I say to you:  It's a long hard road, but if I can leave behind sugar so can you!

Do you have any crazy eating stories?  How far did you go to get your hands on that food?  Did you ever hoard it away so no one else could have it?  You're stories are welcome and encouraged, no judgement!

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