Sunday, June 16, 2013

Ode to a "Pair of Shorts"

I know it's Sunday, and I usually update you with my progress, but I'm saving that for tomorrow because today is a very special day.  It's father's day!

Don't worry, he's not a gruff as he looks!

I have the perfect story to honor my father.  Or as we call him in my house, Poppa Lock... if you say it fast enough it sounds like pop-n-lock, which I think is hilarious!

But I digress...
It's a well-known fact that our parents were put on this earth to embarrass the hell out of us.  It's their way of getting back at us for all of those nights we spent crying in the middle of the night during our infant years.  But it takes a certain type of person to take those embarrassing experiences, and laugh at them later in life.

This story hits very close to home for me.  And now I'd like to explain why...

In middle school, my dad had two pairs of "shorts" that not only embarrassed the hell out of me, I'm pretty sure they also did a bit of emotional scaring.  You see, these were not your regular shorts-- these were boxers posing as shorts.  Yes friends, my father used to parade around in Fruit of the Loom boxers for all the world to see.  Now, when I say parade around, I mean just that!  He'd go to the grocery store, the bank, the gas station... he'd even pick us up from school and take us to doctor's appointments in these so-called "shorts."

Mortifying?  I think so!

This escapade continued through my high school years until my mom finally suggested he put on some pants, and that's when he found the joy of Levis 501 jeans.  But the story doesn't stop there.  The Dane Cook bit you saw above reminded me of one "shorts" appearance that I will never forget.

It was my sophomore year in high school.  At this unfortunate stage in my life, I still had braces.  Once a month my dad would pick me up before lunch and take me to the orthodontist for a routine check up.  The "shorts" were making less of an appearance these days, and I'd gotten used to not seeing them very often.  But I should have known better on this day...

Sitting in my English class talking about "To Kill a Mocking Bird," one of the office aides walked in with a pass to the office. When the teacher called my name, I grabbed my things and headed out the door.  Thinking mostly about what band colors I was going to pick for the month, I was shocked when I opened the office doors and noticed my dad sitting there in his "shorts" having a conversation with the front desk lady about God knows what. My face turned a deep shade of maroon, and when I looked at the woman sitting at the front desk I noticed her face matched mine. But dad, didn't notice a thing.  He never saw anything wrong with his "shorts."  He just thought they were comfortable.

When we got to the orthodontist's office I asked him to wait outside.  But that didn't happen.  He came in, chatted up the receptionist, a mother in the waiting room, the the doctor and a family walking in as we headed out. I vetoed his offer to buy me lunch, and sent him on his marry way home. I finished out the day having to hear my classmates go on about seeing my day wearing "booty-shorts" in public.

Of course, I don't have a picture of Dad in his "booty shorts," but as you can tell from the photo above, the man is full of embarrassing clothing choices :)

The story I just told you, was incredibly embarrassing at the time, but now it's a funny story I like to pull out at parties.  It's not the worst one, either... but I didn't want to horrify you all in one post! :)

Happy Father's Day to one of the most embarrassing dad's on the planet!  I wouldn't have it any other way.

How are you celebrating Father's day this year?  Do you have any embarrassing stories of your dad you'd like to share?  What's your favorite memory growing up?  I want to hear from you! Share your comments and stories below!

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