Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Life Lessons for All Women

Today I want to talk our weekly discussions to a more emotional place.  I know I usually deal with the fitness side of my journey-- but my emotional journey is just as important.  And I truly believe to the two go hand-in-hand.

I stumbled across this amazing blog post for the Huffington Post this week-- and it struck a chord with me.  I took a screen capture of the post, so you could read it here....  I'll be on the other side to share my thoughts.

Courtesy: The Huffington Post
Let's pause here for a moment to chat.  First of all, I love when mothers are self-aware and bestow knowledge upon their daughters.  I think honesty is the best gift you can give your children.  Life is happening all around them, they're curious, and they want to ask questions.  Answer them.

The three big points that hit me hard in this part of the post are as follows:
It's not your job to make the people you love happy.  I am so guilty of this, I should be locked up for the next few decades (a little trial humor).  From personal experience, I can tell you it's a thankless, unrewarding, and at times hurtful job.  It's very easy to lose yourself, worrying about the happiness of others.  It's also very easy to get pushed into the wrong crowd of people. People who will use you, because of your kind and loving nature.  It's not a fun place to be.  And it's not worth it.  I know people have to learn their own lessons.  But here's a tip:  be supportive, be kind, be loving... but always put your best interests at the top of the list.  No one else is going to do that for you.
Never be afraid to share your passions.  For so long, I was embarrassed that all the women in my family got together once every few months to quilt and craft and see each other.  I thought I would be judged for being such an old lady.   Now I realize that it's incredibly unique, and I've picked up some amazing skills along the way.  It's ok to be unique, in fact, the people who truly love you won't care what you're passionate about-- as long as it makes you happy.
"People are prettiest when they talk about something they love, with real passion in their eyes." --K.V.H.
You are so very beautiful.  I think we need to bestow this one on our daughters more often.  And not by telling them constantly that they are pretty.  But by telling them other great qualities about themselves:  You're smart, You're strong, You have leadership potential, etc.  Think Leslie Knope, from Parks and Rec.

It's important to start a foundation of self confidence with our girls at a young age.  Because the era of Middle School and High School can be really damaging without it.

Courtesy: The Huffington Post

All of these are great, but for me-- there was one that really stood out.

It's almost never about you.  More specifically, "I have tried very hard to almost never tell you you are being 'too sensitive,' or to 'get over it' when you feel hurt."

If I had a dollar for every time I'd heard the phrase "get over " in my life, I would be living a very comfortable life in my craftsman home in one of my favorite Portland neighborhoods.  After a while, I just stopped sharing my feelings-- and suppressed them.   This trait of mine has ended a lot of friendships-- and left me feeling frustrated because I'm 29 and am still trying to figure out how to express and deal with my feelings.

Moms, Aunts, Role Models out there-- it's important to let your daughters express themselves.  Even if you don't understand the feelings, let them scream, cry, laugh.... and feel.  As much as they look like you, they're not you.  They're their own person... and will have their own way of dealing with things.  All you have to do is support them through it, and be their should when they need to let out a good cry.

I've always been the kind of woman who has had an internal struggle over wanting to have children.  The biggest problem for me, ruining them emotionally.  It's a big issue that weighs heavy on my heart.  But this list has sparked that debate yet again.

I want to be an example to young women out there-- about inner beauty and strength.  I think it's a tough world out there, if you don't have a strong foundation of support and self-confidence.  My message for the girls out there, it's ok to be you... and you will find the love and support you need, if you try hard enough.

Was there anything the author said in this article, that struck a chord with you?  What do you think about this list of things she wants to teach her daughter by age 10?  Is there anything missing?  I'd love to hear from you!  Leave your feedback in the comments section below.


  1. I feel like the kind of woman who is concerned about emotionally ruining her children is the exact kind of woman who absolutely WON'T. It's the mothers who don't care enough to worry about it who cause the most emotional damage. The choice is 100% yours, but I have a suspicion you would be a superb mother.

    1. Thank you for your sweet comments Sharayah!


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